Do you have any desires from a relationship? Well, we all have such desires or popularly put “forventningsafstemning” (expectations) from our relationships. We all expect it to proceed in a way we have imagined it. Some of the ideas are nurtured during childhood while others come from the type of exposure we have. We do get influenced by our relative and friends while deciding the things we want to have in our relationship.
These expectations play a great role in deciding how happy we are in a relationship… how? To know this, here is a list of forventningsafstemning that matters the most in a relationship –
- Passion – Our expectation for the mutual desire to have each other.
- Immediacy – How fast two people can fall in love
- Connection – The feeling of understanding and intimacy between the partners
- Destiny – Believe in pre-destined relationships or you have to work hard to get what you want
Thus, we all look for different things in our partner so that we can find similarities between each other. Some of us enter a relationship because we want good company while other wants lot of independence. The expectation in a person is a reflection of his self view and the views that have influenced him or her. The major problem with desires is that whether your partner will be able to fulfill them or not!
The relationship experts have studied the relationship health and expectations of adults, who were dating people. They found that most of the people were facing problem of unmet expectation because the type of relation they were expecting from their ideal lovers and the type of relation, they are currently getting, is not the same. It is obvious that you cannot get what you think or imagine about, so there will be certain difference between your ideal lover and your real partner but when this problem of unmet expectation increases tremendously, it is not a healthy sign for a relationship.
The unmet desires or expectations are associated with the major considerations of a healthy relationship – investment, happiness, commitment and satisfaction. Thus, unmet desires can directly affect and minimize the satisfaction and commitment level in a relationship. This is why, the studies conclude that these unmet desires and expectations of a on-going relation as compared to the expected one, are excessively damaging. Imagining an ideal relation with your lover is very common and we all do it but being certain that you can find someone exactly like that is not good for the health of your real relationship.
Our expectations matter a lot because they define our perceptions and behavior with our partners, and most importantly it decides the stability of a relation. So, what can be done if our love relationship is going through problems like unmet expectations?
It good to have healthy expectations to develop intimacy but if it is creating troubles and conversation with your partner is not helping you then you can consider trying the couple therapy sessions. Conversation in the presence of a couple therapist might assist you in making sure that your love expectations are reasonable enough.